Ramblings...........

This week has been one of frustration and stress for us over at the Smith household.  We met with new doctors that have conflicting views from other doctors, decisions need to be made that seem impossible, and trying to juggle time to fit in tball, soccer, therapy, work, etc.  I have never asked "Why?" when we found out we had a child with special needs.  I kne wfrom the beginning it was something we were chosen for.  However, I have often wished to take it away from her and gladly suffer through it myself.  One day, after all my stressing and gut feelings that something wasn't right, Bear told me how he knew that God gave us her because I would know something wasn't right and based on my personality, I would be so persistant and talk to any doctor that would listen until we figured it out.  Well sometimes I get tired of being so persistant and worrying, and yesterday I felt like I was at my breaking point.  But it is amazing who and what God can put in your life to put things in perspective.  After meeting with Dr Flowers today, I feel tons better with waiting to make decisions that yesterday seemed nearly impossible to make and knowing that he will be there to talk about any decisions other doctors make in Cohen's care and be willing to step in when needed.  And then God jumped out and slapped me today as I read through 5 CaringBridge pages that I follow.  All of these pages that I follow are about children who vary in age and diagnosis told from a parent's perspective.  These children have SOOO much going on that make my situation look like a sunny afternoon.  I feel for these parent's and what they are going through.  One of the mom's posted today an article given to her.  I instantly connected to this story and wanted to share. 

God Chooses Mom for Disabled Child Written by Erma Bombeck Published in the Today Newspaper Sept. 4th, 1993 Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments forpropagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger. "Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew. "Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia. "Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity. " Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel." "But has she patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it." "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy." "But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations." "I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side." "And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair. God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."