Today is the day...

This afternoon can't get here soon enough!!  My appts are at 2:15 with surgeon and 3:00 with heme/onc. 

If you have a few extra prayers today, I would appreciate them.  Until Friday, I had not been anxious.  I knew that everything the drs were telling us was just there "educated guess."  Nobody knew anything for sure.  But after that scan, somebody knows.  Somebody knows exactly what's going on in my body.  As much as I do want to know and begin fighting this, there is still part of me that wishes I could just be dumb and just go on with life.

My coworker sent me this text last night, "Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember I am holding you by your right hand.  I am taking care of you, therefore you needn't be afraid of anything.  Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Instead of resenting the limitations of a weak body, search for my way in the midst of these circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is to live closer to me.  My strength and power show themselves most effective in weakness."

The last 2 weeks have definitely caused me to slow down and be still and by all means I know I have been afraid.  I have had a lot of alone time and even though the first few days were rough, I am rethinking that and have become thankful for this time to slow down.  I have felt good and been walking in the neighborhood after taking Cohen to school and I quickly realized that if I get to be off and do this, what a better time than the Fall.  My neighborhood trees are beautiful and there is an island that you can walk out on and look over the Pelahatchie Bay.  And there are these birds or pelicans, I am not sure, but they only come 1 time a year.  There are probably 200 of them and they flock together and are beautiful.  This is something that I would never get to do!  The As far as being afraid, I would be lying if i said I wasn't.  That's all I will say about that.  But I do know God has placed many people in my life to help me along in this journey and that has eased my fears. 

Will definitely update after the appts!!